Red Wine Gifts

"I think this is a red."

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'A Merlot? A Cab? If I had known there would be this many red wines, when I created the Earth, I would have made it smaller.'

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

'A cheeky red?'

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

A man holding a giant glass of wine

In the Guru District

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

Bacchus.

Sauvignon Bonk

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'... And this is my cellar.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"I make it myself!"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"He gets easily abstracted."

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'