Red Scare Satirist Gifts

"Oh sorry. I gave you American apple pie. You're supposed to get the apple pie from a former Soviet Republic."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

German School

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Safety Barriers

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

The Evolution Of Man