Red Nose Day Gifts

Comic Relief

"I do a lot for charity but I don't like to talk about it. . ."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

Keyworker

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Bathing the dog

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'Ok you two, where the hell is Dancer?!'