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"And ultimately, I want to direct."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'We're the first film ever in HD 3-D DOUBLE D!'

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

All-Candy Seder.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

'Get me public relations!'

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

May I have the envelope, please?

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

Hollywood or bust!

Oscars acceptance speech.

'We're too late for the Xmas Eve shindig but if you hurry we can just about make the New Year Eve one!'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

As Seen On TV