Recruitment Sergeant Pillows

"In the mid 60s I received both my draft card and a Valentine's Day card on February 14th. Being a conscientious objector to both love and war, I burned both cards."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"Who's next?"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'