Recruit Pillows

Competition disappears. You'll have the field to yourself!

"You must be the new guy!"

"And look, Papa, he shaves."

The new man was viewed with skepticism.

Mess Hall. The new recruit was assigned to kitchen duty. We have a private chef!

Military ardour.

"Are you hutting on me?"

'We're starting to see these symptoms in a lot of new recruits, Sergeant. We call it CPW for Cell Phone Withdrawal.'

'You know the rule, new guy carries the lotion.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'