Recruitment Pillows

'Thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you as soon as we lower our expectations.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'Gentlemen, we need new blood!'

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

"I see from your résumé that you enjoy attending the occasional soccer match."

Yes, I can see you're bound. I suppose my question is, are you determined?

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

'We're not looking for someone with good leadership qualities so much as we're looking for someone with good herding instincts.'

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

'If we're interested, we'll have our database contact your database.'

'Sir, it looks like 'Milton and Clayborn' are trying to lure away some of our people again.'

'We did a background check on this guy and he came up squeaky clean... just what is he trying to hide anyway?'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last 4 bosses.'

'When I asked 'whether you thought you could bring the team with you'? I didn't mean to our preliminary confidential off-the-record exploratory chat!'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

"You're afraid I have unrealistic expectations? Funny. I was thinking the same thing about you."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"We ran hundreds of ads, searched the state before we got her..."

"That mover you headhunted for me turned out to be a shaker."

'It's part of our new staff retention policy!'

'Don't worry about your small handicap: Santa is an equal-opportunity employer: It will turn out fine...'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'Personally, I like the look of the next candidate!'

Employment agencies preference for migrant workers.

"Don wrote our hiring algorithm."

'Why did you offer the job to this one?'

'How do you do, Sir? My name is John L. Flagman, and I run a successful executive search firm.'

'I'm just sorting through the latest job applications now.'