Recruitment Agent Pillows

Thankless jobs...always hiring!

'Yes it's a long and illustrious family tree Mr Yousif, but what I really need from you is a passport.'

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

'We recruit double agents!'

"Having a banking app does not count as 'contacts in the banking industry'."

"Your larceny convictions preclude us from offering your services to any number of employers...unless you're keen on a career in the banking industry."

"Your resume indicates you're ethically bankrupt but able to project the appearance of integrity."

Recruitment Agency: "Describe yourself in three words."

"I understand he's a tech headhunter."

'We found an accountant for you last week to look after your petty cash. Now you're looking for both of them.'

"I'm not really driven. A dead-end job would be fine."

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

'Have you ever been to prison? If not, Burrows, Smith & Klein would like to know if you'd be willing.'

Any openings?

'Okay, I'll check, but I'm pretty sure Liz Hurley already has a dresser.'

"Congrats -after twenty five years we've finally got you a job in a clock factory!"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Outer Space Outsourcing

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."