Job Recruiter Pillows

"I see myself in a position where mediocrity is rewarded."

A good place in the queue.

'No experience necessary. We'll train you!'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

'The job's permanent....there's absolutely no way out'

"You'll have no problem squeezing 80 hours into a 30 hour week."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

Human Resources: Due to Drones, Driverless cars, and Apps, we are not now hiring human beings...

"Experience isn't necessary, but you must be highly flexible."

"This job starts out at $50,000 and tops out at $75,000 after three years."

"I'll be right back. If you need anything, just holler."

Assistant in Job Centre asking a nose 'So - you're looking for a nose job'

"So, Mr Jones... Do you think you'll fit in here?"

"As a matter of fact my Ph.D. is in entry-level jobs."

Personnel Dept - I see from your references you're a skilled man.

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

Really Good Careers: An Equal Opportunity Employer

"Congratulations! I think I have just the position for you."

"Are there any openings in the labor department?"

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

"Wikipedia does not count as a reference in resumes."

"Guess what, Margaret. I've been upsourced."

"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired. And get paid just enough not to quit."

"You'll find I work best under great pressure when the outcome doesn't really matter."

"I'd feel better about your references if they weren't all from your wardens."

"I'm sorry, but you're over-qualified."

"Deadend job! Perfect! When do I start!?"

'Yeah, unemployment is down, but hopelessness is up.'

"Yes, I have lots of experience. I've done this over, and over, and over ..."

"Those gaps are when I dropped out of the system and into the prison system."

"In case of emergency, do you know how to work a pencil?"

"This job does require some travel, but nothing more than crossing the road."

'Do you work well under pressure?'

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"I should tell you right away my resume is spotty."