Tech Recruiter Pillows

Now Hiring! Artificial Intelligence A Plus!

"Where do you see yourself in five updates?"

Videogame Employment Agency.

"The truth is, you're the first nanobot we've ever interviewed."

"Here at JP Industries, we're all about cutting edge technology. It keeps us one step ahead of our competition! Now take my beeper number and be sure to fax me over your resume."

"How come some media companies are so shy of web recruitment?" "Anorak-naphobia?"

"Go to school, study hard, then in the real world we have to compete against artificial intelligence."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Outer Space Outsourcing

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'