Recruitment Humor Lover Pillows

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

Two doctors holding hands

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

Urine Catcher

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

"We will of course keep you fully uninformed."

'The bad news, Pomeroy, is tht we're giving your job to your secretary -- the good news is that she wants you to stay on as her secretary!'

"Well yes, you're a worker, but I think we can both agree that you're not a hard worker now, can't we?"

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

'Dig in.'

Job Hunting in the Not-So-Great Depression

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'When you can spare a few minutes, Bromwell, I'd like to discuss those tranquilizers your doctor has you on.'

"A few of the staff are still a little unsure of their roles in the company...so here's a quick recap."

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

"Why have you called the new post 'assistant deputy administrative project support?" "Because it sounded better than 'skivvy'."

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

"Tell us something we don't know."

'Take this to your boss. It works for me with my teacher.'

'I get it, Smith. No raise means you'll go over to our competitor.'

Human resources department is a stock full of humans.

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"