Recipe Racketeer Pillows

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Lockdown casserole

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

In the DNA Kitchen

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"I'm unable to process this image."

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

Blog Breakdown

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

"In two weeks' time, Andy Murray will either have achieved a great British win or an awful Scottish defeat."

Recipes.

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"