Recently Neutered Pillows

"After I find where you put my balls, I will destroy you."

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

Moving in

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"The house doesn't seem big because the kids are gone - it seems big because we've shrunk so much."

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

"That's awesome that you taught him to heel, but I just want him to walk normally."

"At my age kiddo, you enjoy the simple pleasures: a comfy cushion and a heat-lamp..."

'Mom! -- Spot's skinny-dipping again!'

'...and talk about lazy!'

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."

"I'll give you 15 minutes, no biting."

'Where my balls go?'

Boy carrying Samuel Richardson's 'Clarissa' for his mistress

'What a gyp! Yesterday, after I got fixed, I put my testicles under my pillow, and all I got was a quarter!'

"Yes, it's free and simple, but a walk with master every day means the world to me...."

"He insists he can't leave until he has a full-time job."

Young Pups In A Chat Room.

'If it's any consolation, I'm having him fixed next week.'

#NoJunk

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

"You should be happy. How many husbands even notice window treatments?"

'Mother Nature gives a sign to all young animals when it's time to leave the nest. Your time is near, son - I've got rheumatism in my shoulder from taking out the purse!'

"You got this! Your brain has a hundred billion neurons, with more links between them than there are stars in the Milky Way. Now, go out there and show those ants who's in charge!"

"I've found a way to keep the kids from moving back home. I've replaced the front door with a childproof cap."

Happy House Daycare. Family-owned & family-run since this many years.

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

'Of course me and Lottie never got around to having kids'

Dog Stripper.

Morning Routine

'Son, sometimes a mother needs to hear those three little words...'I'm moving out.''

'The kids all flew away, but I can't get my husband to leave the nest!'