Neutering Pillows

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'Since I've been neutered I have a lot more platonic friends than I used to have.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

A midwife holding a baby

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Gardener

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

'So this is goodbye then!'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

Mother's Love

"Little Lucas doesn't go anywhere without his weighted blanket."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

'Where my balls go?'

Romulus and Remus

Growing a business....

"I'll give you 15 minutes, no biting."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."

Moms gone wild

Egg Buggy

"Not to alarm you, but the other newborns are already ahead."

Young Pups In A Chat Room.

'Dad has lamb's-quarter, pigweed, sheep sorrel, chickweed and buckhorn, and we can't even have a dog.'

"Gotta love happy hour!"

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

"I'm not his mom anymore—now I'm his life coach."

#NoJunk

Clean the World.

In an alternate universe, characters from the rough draft and finished manuscript of the same novel meet themselves at a cocktail party.

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

Breastfeeding