Neutering A Pet Pillows

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."

#NoJunk

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

'Bert's dog training.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Agility God

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

'Of course he can do tricks...it's just he's got a bad memory.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'Well, they're just great for running down gazelles and jackals!'

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

The Cat Spa

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

"Rescue someone; rescue yourself"

Street Organ - Monkey

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

"The kid's good."

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

'I can see the practical side of fetching, but what's the point of rolling over?'

"He was a rescue."