Neutering A Pet Pillows

'What a gyp! Yesterday, after I got fixed, I put my testicles under my pillow, and all I got was a quarter!'

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."

#NoJunk

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

'Bert's dog training.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Agility God

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

'Of course he can do tricks...it's just he's got a bad memory.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'Well, they're just great for running down gazelles and jackals!'

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

The Cat Spa

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

Street Organ - Monkey

"Rescue someone; rescue yourself"

"The kid's good."

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

'I can see the practical side of fetching, but what's the point of rolling over?'

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'