Neuter Humorist Pillows

"Of course, all the good ones are fixed."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Atomic Bear: Part 21

Smoke and mirrors.

A dog has inflated the family cats with helium and they are floating on the roof.

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

Some days, we all just feel like a little take-out lo mein.

Book: 'From prey to predator in 30 days.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

Dummies for Dummies.

"Did I miss a lot of work while I was out with the flu? No, I didn't miss it at all!"

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

'If it's any consolation, I'm having him fixed next week.'

Hellbillies.

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

'And so, Ladies and Germs, I conclude that we must promote homeopathy! This may be our best chance to wipe out the human race since the glory days of the Black Plague.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

"Are you new around here?"

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

After talking one stranger to death, Velma starts in on the next.

Out and In.

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'I've become resistant to antibiotics, but what I dread is a shot of whisky in a cup of hot tea.'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."