Receiving Job Offer Gifts

Thanks, I'd like to accept the job, but what is the salary? Sorry, it's against company policy to disclose that!

'This good news is that I am prepared to offer you a six figure annual salary. The bad news is that it included the decimal.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

The Rubber Ball Company

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

How are you at decision making?

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'The job calls for a little filing now and then...'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."