New Job Acceptance Gifts

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

Where your mind & battle are los

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

Butterfly Woman

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'How fast can you hype?'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

Others will fight for you

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Doug had trouble getting home at a decent hour.

'So...you THINK you have what it takes to be a scientist...?'

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

Work/Life Balance

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Outer Space Outsourcing

Bo're'droom

Woman carries the world.

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'