Receiving A Medical Award Pillows

Alexander Fleming

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

Award Winning Gardener

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Win - win

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

Soccer coach of the year.

Employee of the Month

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

Employee of the month and the prankster of the month.

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

Zdeno Chara

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"This one is for not complaining about stretched too thin handling domestic and foreign crises."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"