Realty Junkie Gifts

Auctioneer of the Year: Edward Hammerhands.

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

Travellers with a developer: 'I see ski slopes.'

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"Consider this job a reality show where you work your butt off 14 hours a day. If you win, you'll get a paycheck and the chance to do it all over again next week."

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

"Look, son, real estate."

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

Somewhere in France: "I thought I was buying goat cheese. I endedup with a chateau in the Loire."

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Maybe getting gordon ramsay to do the after dinner speech wasn't such a good idea after all!'

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

A large bird house with many compartments; one is labeled "Sup't.".

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."