Realtor Humor Fan Pillows

'Did I mention, that the last owner kept snakes?'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"Efficiency tombs available"

'Is the fire included?'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Coming Soon- Trump Circle

Real estate.

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.