Reality Dodger Gifts

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

Revenuers will be shot.

Trying to come up with yet another password...

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"Get ready to duck...we're caught in a departmental crossfire."

'That's why your checkbook balance looks so good. You sent all of your online bills to the junk file.'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"I'm binge ignoring everything you're binge watching."

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'We bought this bolt hole to get away from politicians talking green politics.'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

"Accursed global warming!"

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

Winter depression.

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

Walk right in. Sit right down.

"It's weird... My boss has a freaky way of seeing through my excuses. It's like a sick sense."

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

'I find it's best to just stay out of office politics.'

'Forget the water, give me some golf clubs. I haven't swung a club in days.'

Cone of Silence

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

'What's up? Don't tell me they've taken off the football for Corrie?'