Reality Cooking Warriors Gifts

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

Too much cilantro

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

A butcher and his apprentice.

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

Here's one I made earlier.

My Cauldron Rules

'All our food is locally sourced.'

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

"Ordering groceries online can be unpredictable."

'Hello, police? There's been a food fight here and I'm afraid the cheese got the worse of it.'

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

Pizza Fencing

If they can put a man on the moon, then why can't they... develop a clear plastic wrap that doesn't bunch up!?

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

"There's the handoff, and it looks like Dad is going to go with an option route, avoiding the rush from the dishwasher, sweeping left, evading the teenager blitz and heading directly to the liquor store!"

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"Is this the table with a complaint?"

"This Bounty is useless against the Quicker Messer Maker."

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

"Is there anyone here who specializes in stress management?"

'Amazing - No sooner do we invent cooking than we get the first celebrity chef.'

HEAD CHEF - A chef collects the heads of the chefs that rank below him.

"What is that creepy sound?" "Don't worry. It's just the ghost of the old dishwasher."

The Tumbledweed's Sworn Enemy

"Curl your fingers to avoid cuts when slicing or chopping...I learned that trick on a TV cooking show!"

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

"Is it safe to assume that the meat is laced with antibiotics and the salad is chockfull of pesticides?"

"And now a recipe for disaster..."

'Try to guess what you almost had for dinner, Dad?'