Kitchen Warrior Gifts

A pressure cooker tells a saucepan that, 'You don't know the meaning of pressure.'

"Opening a jar with my arthritis always reminds me of the song 'Twist and Shout'!"

Cutting onions

Chopping Board chopped in two.

Pam discovers the perils of practising Nei Gong in the kitchen after accidentally linking her Dan Tien to the washing machine cycle.

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

'Try to guess what you almost had for dinner, Dad?'

"Never try this yourself. It may look simple – but I'm a highly trained professional."

Pizza Fencing

Gone to my cooking for one class - sort out your own dinner.

A chocolate tart topped with lingonberries and infused with belligerent self-confidence.

"Is this the table with a complaint?"

"I'm gonna throw this in her direction...just to give her a little scare!"

"My wife has a black belt in cooking, she can kill a man with a single chop."

"He was devastated when I broke my arm - what with the dishwasher packing up too."

Just when I think violence on TV can't bother me anymore, that chef goes and debones a chicken!

'Hello, police? There's been a food fight here and I'm afraid the cheese got the worse of it.'

'I would make a nice compote.'

The baron sneered at the choice of weapon. But, little did he know that Sir Guy was deadly with a soup ladle.

A butcher and his apprentice.

"Your spatulas are no good in this town mister."

If they can put a man on the moon, then why can't they... develop a clear plastic wrap that doesn't bunch up!?

"This Bounty is useless against the Quicker Messer Maker."

Lady of the Cake.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Domestic Goddess.

You're the puff in my pastry!

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Cake Friday!

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I just need help getting the pit out."

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'