Realist Reflector Gifts

"I can afford to die or I can afford to be sick, but I can't afford to be sick and then die."

'When you smile the whole ... cynical world laughs at you.'

Pete Townshend Vineyards

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'I think we're losing sight of our roots.'

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

'I'm writing a novel using our marriage as inspiration. It's called, 'This Sucks'.'

"The perfect killing machine? Is that all I am to you?"

Creator's Remorse

"Sorry Honey, I'll be about thirty years late for dinner tonight."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

He was a great dodgeball player. Who's in heaven now. He will be missed.

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'How does it make you feel when he doesn't acknowledge all the hard work you put into gathering?'

"Lucky!"

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you."

Are you getting enough "me" time, Al? Oh, more than enough, Doctor

"My dating life has come down to choosing between bad breath and bad credit."

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

'I think we're on different career paths.'

'This babbling brook reminds me I should probably call my wife.'

"No land women want me, so I'm off to try my hand in the sea."

"I wish we had a diary room - someone who would listen to me."

"Twenty years ago, I invited you in for a nightcap. I now retract that invitation."

'Alice, call the emergency doctor! I just thought 'Hey, I've made enough money!''

"For the experiencing self or the remembering self?" "That was nice."

"That's just my memory mattress."