Reading Safety Manuals Pillows

"I think you must have missed a page!"

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Man using to much bug spray

Drool Marks

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

On the brink.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

Baby on board.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"I see you've security marked your property."

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

Beware of Falling Notice.

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'