Reading Legal Opinions Pillows

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

The Devil's in the detail!

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

"Overruled."

Jasper Coot: 'Osama shoulda named me to the Supreme Court! I ain't no judge, so I'm qualified! Hell. I ann't even a damn lawyer! But Lord knows, I am judgemental!

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

"My basic judicial philosophy is 'Guilty.'"

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

So...who is your provider ?

"I've come to judge some books by their cover."

'Of course I speak with forked tongue. I'm a lawyer!'

'You're on trial for grand theft larceny -- you can't choose to remain anonymous!'

"Oh, that's just the first draft of some divorce papers I was messing around with."

Mortmain

"Charges on misogyny, xenophobia and sexual assault. Guilty or innocent?"

'Let's see you reverse this, Switherton!'

'It's full of all sorts of complex exclusions and 'get out' clauses.'

Strike That Clause

"..political correctness should over ride established precedents."

'It's time to arm the fetuses!'

It Was One Of The Toughest Divorce Settlements He'd Ever Seen..

'I must be mad to hire you.'

'First of all, get yourself a good lawyer. I highly recommend anyone but mine.'

"According to the liberal media, you're a woman."

Judge's desk boxes: 'Decisions...landmark decisions.

'Isn't being self-centred a disability?'

Boss, I don't see why I should have to wear this black armband. Out of respect, Rudy. We're in mourning. When Supreme Court Justice Scalia passed away, we lost one of the men who ruled once and for all that corporations are people and money is speech. He was, quite possibly, the greatest American who ever lived. Well ... no one can even see the armband, 'cause my shirt's black too. Off with your shirt, minion. That's an order.

Torture Judge

"I'm afraid they'll give you life."

'If the small print just locks me into the sweltering airtight hellhole that is the service agreement, we're in business.'

"If you live in a country where you can get arrested for fishing without a license, but not for entering that country illegally, it's safe to say that country is run by idiots!"