Reading Legal Opinions Gifts

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

The Devil's in the detail!

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"Overruled."

Jasper Coot: 'Osama shoulda named me to the Supreme Court! I ain't no judge, so I'm qualified! Hell. I ann't even a damn lawyer! But Lord knows, I am judgemental!

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

"My basic judicial philosophy is 'Guilty.'"

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

So...who is your provider ?

"I've come to judge some books by their cover."

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

'Of course I speak with forked tongue. I'm a lawyer!'

"Charges on misogyny, xenophobia and sexual assault. Guilty or innocent?"

'You're on trial for grand theft larceny -- you can't choose to remain anonymous!'

'Let's see you reverse this, Switherton!'

Mortmain

"Oh, that's just the first draft of some divorce papers I was messing around with."

'It's full of all sorts of complex exclusions and 'get out' clauses.'

Strike That Clause

"..political correctness should over ride established precedents."

'It's time to arm the fetuses!'

It Was One Of The Toughest Divorce Settlements He'd Ever Seen..

'I must be mad to hire you.'

'First of all, get yourself a good lawyer. I highly recommend anyone but mine.'

Judge's desk boxes: 'Decisions...landmark decisions.

'Isn't being self-centred a disability?'

"According to the liberal media, you're a woman."

"I'm afraid they'll give you life."

"If you live in a country where you can get arrested for fishing without a license, but not for entering that country illegally, it's safe to say that country is run by idiots!"

'If the small print just locks me into the sweltering airtight hellhole that is the service agreement, we're in business.'

'Sorry. We can't pay on your life insurance policy. You apparently didn't read our 'living dead' clause.'