Reading Legal Documents Pillows

'Sorry. We can't pay on your life insurance policy. You apparently didn't read our 'living dead' clause.'

The Devil's in the detail!

It Was One Of The Toughest Divorce Settlements He'd Ever Seen..

'It's full of all sorts of complex exclusions and 'get out' clauses.'

"Oh, that's just the first draft of some divorce papers I was messing around with."

'If the small print just locks me into the sweltering airtight hellhole that is the service agreement, we're in business.'

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

Nutty Assistants

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Put it in writing!

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

"I've come to judge some books by their cover."

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"Singing cowboy AND notary public"

"Just two paragraphs from our internet provider's terms and conditions agreement and she was out like a light."

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

"Yes, Peters, it is just legalese. It's all just legalese. We're a law firm."

'Of course I speak with forked tongue. I'm a lawyer!'

Police Academy - Remedial Reading of Rights

Attorneys at law.

Shipping contract.

'You're on trial for grand theft larceny -- you can't choose to remain anonymous!'

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

"Charges on misogyny, xenophobia and sexual assault. Guilty or innocent?"

"When we left off last night, we were on page 15 of the National Intelligence Estimate. "

Due Diligence Man

Jungle of Paragraphs.