Reading Humorist Gifts

Man uses a television to hold up his book.

'Three weeks - and he hasn't finished the first paragraph!'

Book

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

I will study my speling words...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"