Reading Funnies Pillows

"...what did you think the punishment was going to be for belching the alphabet?"

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

Multi-Generational Books

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

Apricots

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

A man and his dog both reading.

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Mister Oedipus.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

"I suggest you get more iron in your system and get the lead out."

Chippunks

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

"Sure, I may be over the top, but at least I'm not underhanded like him!"

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'Whoa! Must have snowed two feet last night.'