Reading Funnies Pillows

"...what did you think the punishment was going to be for belching the alphabet?"

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Multi-Generational Books

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

Apricots

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

A man and his dog both reading.

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

Chippunks

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

"I suggest you get more iron in your system and get the lead out."

'Whoa! Must have snowed two feet last night.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'