Reading Puns Pillows

"I feel a lot of societal pressure to be happy."

"Trust him to make a spectacle of himself."

The doctor is INN

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

Literary Canines.

Ms. Rusmore

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

"The moment he told me he lived in a lighthouse, I knew he was a keeper."

'Wool ewe pullover yourself together.'

"Why do you call the new sheepdog Bra?"

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Literate Dogs.

Hotness

"Unplug and chill out."

Tips on how to reduce those unsightly crow's feet.

Artichoking victim

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

Weather forecast

"Your four-o'clock is here."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."