Reading Puns Pillows

"I feel a lot of societal pressure to be happy."

"Trust him to make a spectacle of himself."

The doctor is INN

"The little piggy went to Marquette. This little piggy stayed home..."

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"I have NO EYE, DEER."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

Literary Canines.

Ms. Rusmore

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

"The moment he told me he lived in a lighthouse, I knew he was a keeper."

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

"Why do you call the new sheepdog Bra?"

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'Wool ewe pullover yourself together.'

'And in conclusion...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"Unplug and chill out."

Tips on how to reduce those unsightly crow's feet.

Literate Dogs.

Hotness

Artichoking victim

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'