Reaching 80 Or 90 Milestone Gifts

"This is Norman - eighty-seven and never a mid-life crisis in his life."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Church Basement Foodie

Woman crying with happiness.

'Guess what? I won again.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

After many years of wavering Dennis finally makes the decision to step out of his comfort zone.

"It makes you look old."

Medication for the elderly

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

A very fine vintage

'They want your underwear.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

Women

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

Who's Dead

Late Bloomers

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

"Ambitions... to make it to the other side."

"The only joints we roll these days are our ankles."

'He's feeling very proud of himself. He went to watchdog school and graduated 'Magna cum loudly.''

"Getting a little thin on top and dull below, eh Pop?"

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, My son just taught me how to use an iPad, so I am writing to tell you that doing so makes me feel young again. You might want to try it. - Nathaniel from Ontario. Thank you for helping me feel young! I may not be as spry as I was back in the old days ... but at least I've never taken two whol

"Looks like Mom is practicing getting her mask ready for Halloween tomorrow."

'Actually, you're not having a midlife crises. It's a .723 life crises.'

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'