Raptor Ruminator Gifts

Philosoraptors

'Ã…w, gee whiz, Mom -- all the other kids have velociraptors!'

"In the room the women come and go. Talking of Michelangelo."

'And best of all, he really enjoys it.'

'I can't help it, I love the taste of rabbit.'

"I think...therefore I am. I think."

"I really like smart women."

"It's a bird feeder to attract birds of prey."

'Have you got something that says, 'I've got a headache?''

Velocirappers

"You get your seven cats, I get my red-tailed hawk."

The Browntail Craptor

"Clever girl."

'He didn't buy us as pets, he bought us as pet-food: He has a snake!'

"My psychiatrist advised me to pay taxes quarterly. That way my seething resentment is spread evenly over a year."

'yes, it's a gold nugget: We'd better hide it quick or else humans will come and ruin our river...'

'Yes, most humans call us pests or vermin, but a few of them love us as pets...'

"He doesn't seem to be accepting retirement too well."

'Your 401k doesn't look a day over 20.'

Falconry

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'

"I see you're on a date at the moment but perhaps later we could meet for a latte."

"So make me an offer."

Taking out the trash

"Construction. Expect delays Jan 1 - Dec 31."

"Dead rats, dead birds, dead skinks, I've tried all kinds of gifts, but there's no pleasing my mistress really..."

"The salesman was right, a carpet with a darker colour will hide all manner of sins."

Aa falconer looses his arm to his peregrine falcon.

'Dude, it's pizza. Again! I don't know whether to leave them a Chinese takeout menu, or just trash the place.'

Extreme birdwatching accessory - the Hawk Feeder.

"How are people at my reunion going to recognize me? I look in the mirror and even I don't recognize me."

The end is not near - so cope!