Ranting Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm hoping he'll move onto another subject...'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

"Hungry? I'm ravenous, Norman, I could murder a lentil cutlet."

'On a personal note, I'm pleased to report I've been upgraded from reporter to opinionated loudmouthed pundit.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

"How sweet of you to say -- and how dare you!"

'Day is day and night is night. That's the opinion of the management of this station. Here with a rebuttal, is attorney...'

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

Moanathon.

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

Know-it-alls

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

'Did you cut your lip shaving, or are you trying to avoid offering an opinion on the Affordable Health Care bill?'

'That was the view of the right side of my brain...now the view from the left side...'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

'Hey man that's a gas!'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

If I may paraphrase an old saying, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to urinate like racehorses." ! !

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'Before we begin may I emit a prolonged rant about my work week?

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

I feel so helpless. Fuel price anger counseling – $25. The gas companies could charge me whatever they wanted and I couldn't do a darn thing about it. I'm utterly powerless – a pawn in some sick geopolitical game where I've got no options. What if I can't afford to drive my 6,000-ton SUV two blocks to the gym?!

What did you see when you looked into my eyes, doctor? Two limpid pools. But I'm trying to control myself.

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

Therapists to watch out for: 'How long have you had this unnatural fear of wolves?'

"Sad case, doctor; withdrawal from having a president who doesn't insult everybody."

"I just got accepted to Yale." "I'd jump up and down for joy but my boobs are just way too big for that nonsense."

'I never know when you're joking!'

'Do you offer a degree in punditry?'