Ranting Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm hoping he'll move onto another subject...'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

'On a personal note, I'm pleased to report I've been upgraded from reporter to opinionated loudmouthed pundit.'

"Hungry? I'm ravenous, Norman, I could murder a lentil cutlet."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

'Day is day and night is night. That's the opinion of the management of this station. Here with a rebuttal, is attorney...'

"How sweet of you to say -- and how dare you!"

Moanathon.

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

Know-it-alls

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

'Did you cut your lip shaving, or are you trying to avoid offering an opinion on the Affordable Health Care bill?'

'Hey man that's a gas!'

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

'That was the view of the right side of my brain...now the view from the left side...'

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'Before we begin may I emit a prolonged rant about my work week?

Therapists to watch out for: 'How long have you had this unnatural fear of wolves?'

"I just got accepted to Yale." "I'd jump up and down for joy but my boobs are just way too big for that nonsense."

"Sad case, doctor; withdrawal from having a president who doesn't insult everybody."

'Do you offer a degree in punditry?'

'I never know when you're joking!'

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'