Rant Enthusiasts Gifts

Rant schedule.

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Building Sandcastles.

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

Couple using thier new garden hose in the rain

'What great fall blooms. These flowers make yummy pumpkin pie spice!'

"Go ahead, tell him... Your friend is correct. Nuts are fruit. Why won't you ever believe me?"

"What are you in for?"

SPOONING CACTI

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

'Watch your step. I lost my footing on these dang paving stones.'

Employee of the month.

'Oh yes I talk to them all the time. Except the aspidistra. Not since the argument.'

"Why 'Black Death'? Why not 'rodent-related'?"

"Have you got any man eating plants?"

"They never told us what carrying twenty times our own weight would do to our knees."

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

The Daily Fury

"I have my green thumb, thanks to my black 'n' blue knees!"

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

You have the flu. Get plenty of rest and avoid lots of fluids.

The Pied Piper is mobbed by fans.

'Maybe the stuff stinks.'

"So you feel like you are constantly being followed?"

This plant is a lousy malingerer!

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

Moanathon.

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

"Hang on a minute! This is not for us: he's bought himself a pet rat!"

Planet of the Ants

A windfall pear falling straight into a bag of windfall pears.

"You spoil that plant!"

(Pirate about rat): 'We became buddies when they threw me in the hole.'

'This is going to be good. He's sitting on an ant hill.'

"It always amazes me how extremely simple creatures, with no capacity for communication, can achieve the appearance of joint decision-making."