Rant Connoisseur Gifts

"'Stop kvetching'? Would you actually deny me my one remaining pleasure!"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"I've decided to make myself another cup of coffee!"

Zora Neale Hurston

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Mayo-A-Mayo

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"A horse by any other mane would small as sweat."

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"Ah — excellent catsup."

"Me, my dream would be to attend the Cheery Blossom Festival in Japan..."

'Well, it was just a first draft.'

Moliere

Charles Dickens.

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

"And how is the 'medium' salmon you had me overcook?!"

La Dame aux Camelias

Bleak House

C Day Lewis.

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

'When I grow up, I want to be just like you.'

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

"Tonight... Hemingway."

Moanathon.

"What pheromone are you using?"

"Stan is one of our great, widely unread literary treasures."

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

"Sorry, honey, I used up all the sunblock. How 'bout we cover you in mayonnaise instead?"

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

The Mayo Clinic