Cult Connoisseur Gifts

'Don't look now, but they're starting ANOTHER religion in the Middle East.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Louis Armstrong

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

Piano Recital

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Please hold applause until end of dragon."

Birthday Cakes: From Around the World

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Creation of Red Wine

'Who's the new guy?'

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

The Cremaster Cycle

"He's an abstract artist."

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Scarpia's Palace

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'You've got to help my son, Doctor — he's joined a cult that crawls up on beaches!'

"A pint for me and one for the woad!"

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

He's the first Master Sculptor since the Renaissance also trained as a Mohel.

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

The Kali De Milo.

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

B.B. King

'Kafka! Kandinsky! Kokoschka!'

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

Man frozen in portrait pose.