Ramen Pillows

"The Maruchan Candidate"

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Harsh Mellows.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Snow Crime

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

'Hey, look at this beauty... Man, I love those crunchy, well tanned sweethearts!'

"Don't worry...the national immigrant work stoppage does not include our kitchen."

The First Roast Chicken.

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

"We'd like bruschetta, and we'd like it pronounced correctly."

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Marshmallow Roast

"I'm leaving you for someone who does care what we have for dinner."

'Waiter, I don't remember ordering this gristle!'

Couple wanting to buy the estate agents office.

"It's a sprain in your left porterhouse."

"Haven't you got anything that hasn't been regurgitated?"

Tonight... Dine At The Terror Room

'How romantic.'

"Hurry, dear, it's the Brutal Gourmet."

Beggars on the street.

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."