Meal Maven Pillows

"I'm leaving you for someone who does care what we have for dinner."

'Waiter, I don't remember ordering this gristle!'

"Would you care to see a list of food additives?"

"We'd like bruschetta, and we'd like it pronounced correctly."

Great Chinese Dynasties

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

"I'm teaching him to rollover my 401 (k)."

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.

"If I'm such a poor risk, how did I get so deep into debt?"

First Church of the Almighty Dollar.

"I don't have time for piggy banks. Can't I just buy an ATM?"

Wow thanks, a cheque for $500M made out to 'small business'.

So Far So Good

Businessman has Sterling Sign Shaved in Head.

Investments.

'I'm afraid the stock price gods are not happy Ralph.'

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

"That's how my father looked when I told him I was going to marry you."

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

"I've found that when money starts talking, you can't shut 'er up!"

A wiser and a better man

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

'The good news is, you have money up the wazoo. The bad news is, you're constipated.'