Railway Operator Gifts

"Apologies for the delay to the trains...we are busy counting our money."

Conductor Venn Diagram

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Packed like sardines

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

"Excuse me, I think you'll find I've reserved that luggage rack space ..."

A trevor of trainspotters

'This Mouse is going to be huge!'

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

The next fast train has gone.

HS2

Run from the hills!

Subway Thrillers

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

An old gentleman speaking with a shoeblack at a train station

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

S**t Creek Halt

L.A. Transfer

An argument between a passenger and a train porter.

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

"We've been working all the live-long fiscal year to get these numbers up, but I'm afraid some of us are working just to pass the time away."

HS2 time bomb...

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

Train Driver Dad's Bedtime Story

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

"Please mind the gap between the train timetable and reality."

What Holds the Subway Together?

"I'm ringing you because there's nobody in the carriage to annoy..."

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

Children's Terrain Rides - kids seated and enjoying themselves in the way they would on a real train.