Radios Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: walkie talkie.

"Victor one to control...we want to report a stolen car, Sergent - A white saloon with a little blue flashing light on top..."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

Mozart's very good, but can't beat Rossini for sandbox activities.

Pre-Television Man Caves

Non Thought For The Day.

'For the luxury item I'd like my ipod.'

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

Sports Radio in Crisis

Kidnapping Lord Haw-Haw

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Easy & Hard Listening Rock Radio.

Larry King

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

Clive Anderson

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

"He had a request for me on the radio today. He wanted me to bring him a cup of tea."

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

Not-so-easy listening...

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Glenn Beck?'

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

The Quack Quack Diaries: The Decline And Fall Of Wolfman Quack