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Welcome to Mrs Mugs guide to dieting

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

Spike Milligan

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

'I'm Bored'

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!"

Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: Wondering. In my day, when a body said I wonder why dust bunnies are called dust bunnies, it led to all sorts of delightful speculation. We could while away hours debating whether it was a marketing ploy by big broom ... or whether it dated back to Napoleon, who had a fetish for dirty rabbits. And if we were lucky, opinions could get so heated that fisticuffs would ensue. Wondering is just one of many lovely human experiences utt

'I think I've found what's causing the radio's funny buzzing sound.'

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? What's with that senseless riot in Baltimore? What do you mean? America has a long history of self-destructive riots in response to police brutality. It's senseless to call it senseless. A city is like a human body. If you feed a body an awful diet of abuse and unaccountable cops, that body's eventually going to have a massive coronary. In short: Learn your history! And eat oatmeal! Oat ... What? What are you talking about?

"Well I think the Real question is..."

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

Randi Rhodes

Feelings towards radios #2 Picket signs with pictures of radios on them

'We've been picking up your radio broadcasts- You must be Fibber McGee and Molly'

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Batfan" in Dallas, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java Cybercafe. My girlfriend is refusing to go see "Justice League" because she things Marvel's take on the genre is the only way to do it. How do I get her to be more open-minded and tolerant? You don't! Just become less open-minded yourself. You can't change other people, you can only seek vengeance upon them. Um ... Do you happen to have Doctor Phil's number?

Sue Perkins

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry. What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance? Simple solution: send your mother to Japan where their entire culture reveres the elderly. Sayonara, grandma!!! Are you sure that's not a just a stereotype? Who cares?!

I think I may have a Jekyll-and-Hyde personality, Dr. Kapuchnik. I'd say you're more like Dr. Demento and Mr. Potato Head, Al.

The Finding Yourself Hour.

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

The corona ranger

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

"First caller is Rudolph, from the North Pole, you're on Rudolph. What's your problem?!. . . And before you speak, lt me just remind everyone that I spent ten years as a detective specializing in tracking down prank callers and mercilessly destroying their self-esteem."