Radio Listeners Gifts

"They're dumbing down the news now!"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Mozart's very good, but can't beat Rossini for sandbox activities.

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

Non Thought For The Day.

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

Sports Radio in Crisis

Not-so-easy listening...

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

Clive Anderson

Larry King

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

Easy & Hard Listening Rock Radio.

'I'm Bored'

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

'I think I've found what's causing the radio's funny buzzing sound.'

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

"Mmm... now WHERE did i leave my radio..?"

'I composed the ad jingle in my dreams: 'Hey, this flying monkey's the one for you ...'.'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

Feelings towards radios #2 Picket signs with pictures of radios on them

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

Welcome to "The Ask Sadie Show," pre-Halloween edition. First caller is Zombie Eaton, from Schenectady. What's your problem?! Munch

Randi Rhodes