Radio Show Listeners Gifts

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

Easy & Hard Listening Rock Radio.

Not-so-easy listening...

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

"Mmm... now WHERE did i leave my radio..?"

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

"They're dumbing down the news now!"

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

The Finding Yourself Hour.

'Golden Oldies are now songs I hated when my kids were teens.'

'I composed the ad jingle in my dreams: 'Hey, this flying monkey's the one for you ...'.'

'Coming up next. . . our traffic and weather report.'

"Sorry, I was driving under the influence of a bull market radio report."

Pallbearers sitting around radio: 'This just in! Tributes are pouring in for the legendary tenor Pavarotti, who passed away earlier today....'

Things can only get worse...