Radio Interviews Gifts

To tell you the truth, I find it hard to be sympathetic for the plight of the beer vampire.

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Cat job interviews.'

Non Thought For The Day.

Bad Interview Technique

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

Presenter Auditions.

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'