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"Good news. We're the hundredth caller."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

Sports Radio in Crisis

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

Not-so-easy listening...

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Easy & Hard Listening Rock Radio.

Kidnapping Lord Haw-Haw

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

'Rhea of the Year.'

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

To tell you the truth, I find it hard to be sympathetic for the plight of the beer vampire.

Clive Anderson

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

"Mmm... now WHERE did i leave my radio..?"

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

Books recommended by Oprah and Howard Stern.

'Golden Oldies are now songs I hated when my kids were teens.'

'I composed the ad jingle in my dreams: 'Hey, this flying monkey's the one for you ...'.'

"Spell 'flower'" "F-L-O-W-E-R" "Spell 'onomatopoeia'" "This contest is rigged"

The Finding Yourself Hour.

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"