Radio Contests Pillows

"Good news. We're the hundredth caller."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

Sports Radio in Crisis

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Not-so-easy listening...

Easy & Hard Listening Rock Radio.

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Kidnapping Lord Haw-Haw

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

'Rhea of the Year.'

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: Wondering. In my day, when a body said I wonder why dust bunnies are called dust bunnies, it led to all sorts of delightful speculation. We could while away hours debating whether it was a marketing ploy by big broom ... or whether it dated back to Napoleon, who had a fetish for dirty rabbits. And if we were lucky, opinions could get so heated that fisticuffs would ensue. Wondering is just one of many lovely human experiences utt

To tell you the truth, I find it hard to be sympathetic for the plight of the beer vampire.

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

Clive Anderson

"Well I think the Real question is..."

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? What's with that senseless riot in Baltimore? What do you mean? America has a long history of self-destructive riots in response to police brutality. It's senseless to call it senseless. A city is like a human body. If you feed a body an awful diet of abuse and unaccountable cops, that body's eventually going to have a massive coronary. In short: Learn your history! And eat oatmeal! Oat ... What? What are you talking about?

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

Books recommended by Oprah and Howard Stern.

"Mmm... now WHERE did i leave my radio..?"

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

The Finding Yourself Hour.

'Golden Oldies are now songs I hated when my kids were teens.'

"Spell 'flower'" "F-L-O-W-E-R" "Spell 'onomatopoeia'" "This contest is rigged"

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

'I composed the ad jingle in my dreams: 'Hey, this flying monkey's the one for you ...'.'

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry. What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance? Simple solution: send your mother to Japan where their entire culture reveres the elderly. Sayonara, grandma!!! Are you sure that's not a just a stereotype? Who cares?!