Racket Rival Gifts

Monica Seles

Pete Sampras

Ratminton

"It's Zeus' latest obsession."

"I hope you're good, Charlie. I've only played a couple of times."

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

The Sculptor

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

"In two weeks' time, Andy Murray will either have achieved a great British win or an awful Scottish defeat."

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

'It just came out. It handles forehands, backhands and overheads all in one motion.'

I love tennis

The Off-Season

'Big advantage!!'

'It's an old badminton injury.'

'Let's practice lobs again.'

"Strategically speaking, your best move is to let him win."

"Now if he'll just swallow one more paddle we'll be set."

'Since Darwin said it's survival of the fittest, I thought I'd better take up an aerobic sport.'

'That's 12 games in a row. As my best friend, it wouldn't kill you to let me win one every once in awhile.'

'Wow, that's the worst case of tennis elbow I've seen this year!'

'for what we are about to receive...'

"Umm. . . Hello? I'm over here!"

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

'The swelling well receed in a few days and the racket should slide right off.'

"Yes! I got one over! Woo-hoo!"

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

Andre Agassi

I love badminton.

"Pickleballers – one mile away."

'...I was aced, defaced, disgraced and replaced.'

"Now I want a clean fight and no head butting."

"I still think badminton is as fast as tennis..."

'Look here Frobisher, you've adhered to the rules. You haven't cheated, self-aggrandised or whined about money. That's rather unsportsmanlike of you.'

Anyone for tennis?