Quiz Show Enthusiast Pillows

BBC Scheduling Meeting, "The correct answer was no, we don't need another quiz show, so that's five points to the other team."

Death on a gameshow: 'Oh, my...now contestant #3 has mysteriously dropped dead, so I guess that makes you, spectre of death, today's grand prize winner!'

"For one million dollars, what have I been talking about for the past ten minutes: the upcoming election, my mother, my job, or an article in the Home section about kitchen makeovers?"

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

Quiz Dunce

"Orson Carter. Professional politician. Specialist subject - the art of lying from the year dot to the present day."

'It's a smart TV - it only turns on for Mastermind.'

"Can I phone a Fisherman's Friend, Chris?"

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

'It's Chris Tarrant - do you know anything about Egytpian pottery?'

Never mind the Bartoks.

Who Wants To Audit A Millionaire.

'Interesting specialist subjects.'

'Where was I on the night of April tenth....Uhmmmm....Can I phone a friend?'

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

Before the Internet

Senior Jeopardy!

Spot Quiz....

Useless information desk at trivia buff convention

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Spot the fur ball.

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"You don't have to answer that."

'Relax. This is only a test.'

'Do either of you fancy joining our pub quiz team?'

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

Jerry Springer